dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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