the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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