dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
