his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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