My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
