Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
