Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
