he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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