How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
