theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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