i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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