If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
