thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
