Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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