What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
