after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
