Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
