try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
