im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
