I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
