you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
