Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
someone owes me an orgasm
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
