how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
