She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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