So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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