Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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