I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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