Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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