I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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