I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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