Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
