Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
