You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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