You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
