He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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