My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
