the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
