am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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