woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
