apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
