his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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