I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
