My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
