I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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