i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
