God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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