I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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