my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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