Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
