he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize