My friends, they love my intelligence
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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