I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize