there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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