If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
