I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
