Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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