There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
