Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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