When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
