I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize