He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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