My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
