the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
