everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
