I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize