I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
