one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
