Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
