p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
