hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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