The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
