i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
