I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
