he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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