My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
