You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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