I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
