It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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