Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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