hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
