so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
