If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
