I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize