i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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