I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
