haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
