She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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