Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My life is pants optional.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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