12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
should my penis look like a turkey
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
