My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize