he wants to bone in the snuggie
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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