dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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