rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
